annotation: Taking Off the Mask

[matsushima]

I'm reading a lot of self help books and watching a lot of cult documentaries. I'm not sure what that says about my mental health but it's probably not great.
I finished reading Taking Off the Mask: Practical Exercises to Help Understand and Minimise the Effects of Autistic Camouflaging by Dr. Hannah Belcher last night. It was… OK? I felt unsatisified at the end, which is probably why I jumped right into another self help book, How to Meet Your Self: An Inspirational Self-Help Workbook by Dr. Nicole LePera.
I am a little more skeptical of LePera because (and I know this is kind of shallow) her author headshots make her look like an influencer who also writes self help books; her constantly writing, in the book, about the "millions" of people in her "SelfHealing Circle," her "community of SelfHealers" pings my are you a cult leader? radar in a way that Belcher's interviews with autistic people sprinkled throughout Taking Off the Mask doesn't.
I guess with Taking Off the Mask, I wanted/was expecting more practical advice and less CBT worksheets? Maybe those are very practical, I don't know - admittedly, I didn't do them. I think I was hoping for a list of things to try, not like Belcher's "social experiments" where you see what happens if you let yourself flick your fingers repeatedly in public on the train (her example) but - e.g., I once saw an autistic person mention that they like echolalia, specifically, repeating phrases from movies and stuff. Since I listen to a lot of podcasts at home, I tried copying when a podcaster or interviewee would say something in an interesting way, like an unusual pronunciation or intonation or a clever turn of phrase. I found that was fun, so now I do it for no particular reason. (I really love imitating Sarah Marshall's serious vocal fry, that's a particular favorite.) Or I'll repeat something a podcaster just said but I'll say it to Tiamat in a baby voice and replace key words with "snuggle" (verb or noun) because what the hell? why not? I'm home alone with my cat, who is going to judge me?
What I realized reading Taking Off the Mask was that I am mostly unmasked. Even at work, people clock me - some for good (neurodivergent solidarity!) and some for bad (prejudice and discrimination) - so I don't really try to keep a lid on it; I never really have, which I think is a big difference between me and other* late diagnosed neurodivergent women**. I've always been a little more on the sounds like a "you" problem/take it or leave it end of the masking spectrum - but, then again, my favorite stims (crochet) and interests (books) are a little more socially acceptable? so maybe it was easier to get away with it? I was never in real danger of getting sectioned or arrested, just made fun of, and I didn't like most of the kids I went to school with, anyway, so fuck 'em.
I guess it's not fair to criticize a book for not being the kind of book you wanted it to be, so if you're interested in some CBT worksheets for working through your anxiety about unmasking in public, maybe you'll get more out of Taking Off the Mask: Practical Exercises to Help Understand and Minimise the Effects of Autistic Camouflaging than I did? I mean, it's right there in the title: "Practical Exercises to Help Understand and Minimise the Effects of Autistic Camouflaging" (emphasis added), not "Practical Exercises and Interesting Stims to Try and See if You Enjoy Them."

edit: called it, re: are you a cult leader?

Comments

[yarnandglue]

I am not diagnosed but I have my suspicions and I find I feel better if I follow self-care tips for autistic people. I've always like repeating things back when I like the phrasing or intonation. I try not to do it too much at work but I am a real menace about it at home haha. My husband will usually repeat the phrase right back at me and then we'll just be saying it back and forth at each other all day.

[matsushima]

Same. I'm not seeking formal diagnosis, what with the expense of adult screenings, the way everything's going in the U.S. right now, and I think I can get any "reasonable accommodations" that I'd need because I am formally diagnosed ADHD. I like this framework, that self-identification(/diagnosis) is not only acceptable, it's the best way forward. (If you haven't read Dr. Devon Price's Unmasking Autism: Discovering the New Faces of Neurodiversity, I'd definitely recommend it!)

[yarnandglue]

Yeah, I've been formally diagnosed with C-PTSD and OCD which has gotten me the accommodations (and medications) I feel like I need to make it through life successfully. I'll check our Dr. Price's writings! Thank you for the recommendation!